Weird & Wonderful Vintage Exercises

As I mentioned in the last post, if you follow me on instagram you will have seen a sneak peak of some of these hilariously weird exercises from some of my vintage beauty & charm books. Hope you get as much of a chuckle as I did!

The first two are from “Glorify Yourself: The Eleanore King Course on Beauty, Charm & Personality” by Eleanore King and they are definitely the tamer of the bunch…

Glorify Yourself - Vintage Exercise

Now while I am sure this exercise isn’t that odd. I mean she does look a bit…tied up, but the thing I found most odd was it is apparently one of the best ways to slim your thighs.

Glorify Yourself - Vintage Exercise

Again…I am not sure if I find this weird so much as….uncomfortable. I mean I am impressed she can go from back bend to sit up, but I am worried my spine would snap if I tried this!

Now we move on to the true gems from “Personality Unlimited: The Beauty Blue Book”. I spent most of today laughing while reading this book which has an entire chapter on bowel movements (including step by step instructions on how to best DIY your own enema) and another chapter on menstruation  which dispensed some rather dubious advice…including an entire page where I lost count of how many times she used the word “douche”. Some of the exercises are truly hilarious….and so are the models.

Personality Unlimited - Vintage Exercises

I think this one should come with a very explicit warning of “do not try this in a modern home”. This is our 4th “brand new” house (renting) and all the doors fell off in all four houses after a few weeks use. I imagine I would be truly injured if I tried this. My advice would be go to the local park…after dark because I am not sure you want people to see you like this.

Personality Unlimited - Vintage Exercises

What can one even say about this exercise (that is suppose to tone tummy, arms and waist)? You are suppose to lift and lower yourself in this position. Hope she bought the chair dinner first.

Personality Unlimited - Vintage Exercises

My favourite part about this exercise was the title that said “Touch the Toes – The Modern Manner”. Apparently the modern manner in which to touch ones toes is to be drunk, attempt to touch your toes, miss and I imagine the following photo would her being crumpled on the floor laughing and calling for another tequilla.

Personality Unlimited - Vintage Exercises

I like to call this one “I’m itchy, but my arms are suddenly paralysed so I need to writhe around like I am pretending to have a fit”. I imagine this one is also to be performed while drunk.

Personality Unlimited - Vintage Exercises

Without a doubt this is my favourite one. It’s called “The Fanny Walk” – I kid you not. The instructions are as follows:

“Sit on a bare floor, back straight, arms stretched forward, legs stretched out. Now, in little “hitching” movements, bump across the floor from one end of the room to the other” Then, without turning around, bump backward again to where you started”

Doesn’t that sound like something your dog does when it has worms fun? And just look at the model. Clearly she is rethinking her career choice at this point in time…and hoping some of the drunk models from above can get her a drink to make this more fun than it actually is.

Hope you all got as much of a laugh out of these as I did. Please, please let me know if you have tried any of them and be sure to let me know if you needed to be drunk to get the “proper form”.

Miss Fairchild xoxo

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10 Responses to Weird & Wonderful Vintage Exercises

  1. Wow, these really are gems! I love the door exercise! But I’m not quite sure how they could write a whole chapter on bowel movements in a book like that? Do they tell you how to do them in a more lady-like and dignified manner? Because I’m just not sure you can do a bowel movement in a lady-like and dignified manner…

  2. These are so chuckle-inducingly fantastic! I’ve seen the door stretch one before elsewhere, but I think the rest are new to me, and they were just the fun, silly, cool vintage note I needed to kick this week off on (not kick quite as limber-ly as these gals, but kick nevertheless :D).

    ♥ Jessica

    • There was lots of kicking exercises in every single book. Lying down side kicks, lying down back kicks, lying on stomach kicking back, kicking standing up…basically lots of kicking. Perfect to “kick” off the week.

  3. Lau says:

    OMG this is wonderful and hilarious at the same time!! I can totally see me destroying my home whilst doing this… (chairs shattered, doors unhinged!) This is definitely not an Ikea-proof exercise routine!! 😀
    Love this, thank you so much for sharing these gems!!

  4. Trish says:

    Hehehe I love love these!! Such beautiful books to own xx

  5. Naomi` says:

    I just purchased a few Eleanore King books and was doing some random Googling while waiting for them to be delivered and stumbled across your blog.

    As an Australian living in the United States — can I just state for the record how shocked I was when I first heard the use of the word “fanny” over here? Fanny pack. Fanny bag. Slap on the fanny. Don’t fall on your fanny….and now the Fanny Walk.

    YIKES.

    11 years, and I still can’t accept that word meaning posterior!

    I won’t go into details about how shocked I am about seeing “Mr Rooter” trucks everywhere…. 😉

    Anyhow – as outdated as I am sure these books are, I am looking forward to reading them!

    • LOL – I felt exactly the same when I first heard Americans using the word. Such a different meaning here! If someone said they were going to slap me on the fanny I would slap them across the face!

      I only have the one Eleanore King book…going to have to look for the others!

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