I have to admit, I have been a bit lost lately. When I first started this blog I had just a handful of charm/etiquette books. It was easy to pick something to write about as I didn’t have a whole lot of choice. Now it seems I have too much choice and am too overwhelmed
Writing in bed today and it looks like this (and the camera is missing a huge pile sitting next to me)
The other thing that has bothered me is I am more than a little OCD. I want my posts to have order and meaning to them. I want structure. But I just can’t seem to find it. If you have any suggestions please let me know. So instead I picked up a book and flipped it open and today, this is what I am writing about!
“How do you do? May I come in? Into your mind and heart and life – for several weeks? No, it will not take so long to find and use many points that will add to your pleasure and effectiveness – however great it may be right now. “
– The Woman You Want to Be: Margery Wilson’s Complete Book of Charm
Miss Wilson believes that charm lies in the complete forgetfulness of self. Unfortunately, as she points out, if you feel inadequate it is impossible to forget that feeling. I know that personally I often spend so much time apologising for being nervous and talking too much (which is something I do when I am very nervous) that the other person can’t get a word in edgewise. The more I think to myself “shut up shut up shut up” the more nervous I get and out comes the verbal diarrhoea. It’s a surprise people ever agree to meet me a second time!
But Miss Wilson has some advice to help…
“A Mental Trick: To put yourself at ease, in moments of panic for any reason – make believe that scene before you is a familiar one – and that the seemingly formidable person or people before you are just kindly neighbours with whom you are as comfortable as you are in your old slippers.”
This seems like good advice….but not sure you want to know what thing I can talk about when I am truly comfortable. I share way too much on twitter as it is.
“Don’t Worry too Much About Self-Consciousness: Even self-consciousness can be charming at times, especially if it shows as a kind of becoming modesty. Some women pretend it when they don’t feel it, because they know that a little of it brings a rush of sympathetic feelings and chivalry from men.”
Right – well clearly my self-consciousness isn’t charming. I become the opposite of modest and start talking about my vagina. Believe it or not this does not seem to attract the male sympathy…they just inch awkwardly away from me.
Pretend Poise, Then Get It: Many women have acquired the manner of poise and inner self-acceptance but they may be just as suffering uncertain as the most inexperienced girl. Outer gestures help – but only inner solution is certain. We shall have both.”
Basically – fake it til you make it. That’s what I do EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Except I don’t seem any more charming or poised. Probably has something to do about all the vagina talk…..
So it seems to secret to being a charming and popular person is belief in yourself, or self confidence. Or at least using your self-consciousness to get men into their “must help the poor defenceless female” mode. If you are going to be all self-conscious – you might as well nab a man out of it!
The next instalment from Miss Wilson will be “How to Make People Like You”….stay tuned!
Miss Fairchild xoxo