Falling Down & Get Back Up: Ending, Outing & Beginning

I am sure it comes as no great surprise that as soon as I posted about my goal to work through “Glorify Yourself” and the play I was working on and getting fit – I hit a wall.

First I am going through a PTSD episode and am finding everything triggering. It seems every show I watch and every time I read something online or hit twitter there is yet another rape story. I was sexually abused by my best friends brother when I was 5, My stepfather when I was 12 and finally I have spoken out about my husband raping me. It’s been traumatic. I cry and take a lot of valium.

After stalling it for way to long my marriage is at it’s official end. It is slightly complicated by the fact that financially we can’t live apart, the fact that I need a carer and also that neither of us could bare to have the kids just half the time. So cohabitation is our only option for now. My play was also cancelled so my fledgling career as a costumer has been put on hold.

Also – Hi world! My name is Miss Fairchild and I am a big, fat Lesbian. I always have been…I just fell in love with a man. As that man is no longer in the picture and I thought about beginning dating I realised I had zero interest in men (Unless William Powell or Fred Astaire magically come back from the dead and aren’t zombies – then I will reevaluate). So I am out of my hetro life and am dating women. I am dating! Seriously though, I am too old for dating. I have met lovely, lovely ladies. But I just can’t see a future with another person at the moment. Plus dating makes me leave the house. It’s awkward enough dating when I live with my ex…asking them to come to my place where I will likely be hiding in my bedroom crying is not really going to turn many people on.

I am starting my life over. Beginning again. Can you begin again when you are in the middle? There isn’t a rewind button (and despite all the horribleness I am the person I am today because of that – so rewinding isn’t an option) on life.

I try whenever possible to think of my business mentor talking about “sunk costs” when making life decisions. It’s pretty much don’t throw good money after bad. If you have stuffed up – it’s too late to get that time/money/life back and sticking with it just because you have already invested so much doesn’t do anything but delay the inevitable. So just because I invested 15 years into a bad relationship doesn’t mean I should keep doing so in the desperate hope it gets better. I have done that before and all it did was eat up precious time. I would rather be alone, than with someone and lonely.

I have decided to push Miss Fairchild Millinery back a year…possibly two. Let’s see how I feel after final year!

I am beginning again. Like I always seem to do. I fall down and get back up again. It seems I just don’t know how to lay down and admit defeat.

I have started my final year in Millinery. I booked my first trip overseas (Paris here I come!) for October. I saw a new psychiatrist (it went very badly….but I will find another one eventually). I confronted my dr about some things rather than avoiding him forever and getting a new dr. I have an online dating profile. I have had sex again (was kissing always good? Or was I just not doing it right….or at all). I am trying to reconnect with my friends after last years hibernation.

Life is a bit of a rollercoaster. But at least I will get a crazy picture of me screaming at the end of it…

Miss Fairchild xoxo

Fabulous Hat Friday!

Fabulous Hat Friday fell on my 33rd birthday. As I was busy being in excruciating pain (the birthday curse is alive and well) and sleeping all day this post is a bit late. I also thought that this Fabulous Hat Friday should feature Moi and my collection of chapeaux (I am trying to learn french…and I know the french word for hat…I also know putting an x on the end makes it hats….as for Moi…Miss Piggy says it so even if it isn’t french it’s still fabulous).

Miss Fairchild's Hats

Just a small sample of my hoard Collection

Happy Hatting!

Miss Fairchild xoxo

Wise Words Wednesday….

Wise words have been moved to Wednesday just in case the post title doesn’t give it away.

Lilly Dache

“Glamour is what makes a man ask for your telephone number. But it also is what makes a woman ask for the name of your dressmaker.”

 – Lilly Dache

As I have just finished reading her biography “Talking through my hats” and having discovering my milliner soul mate I have to include this quote which gives me, as a milliner, goosebumps.

“You see, a woman’s hat is close to her heart, though she wears it on her head. It is her way of saying to the world: “See, this is what I am like!” Or – “This is how I should like to be.”

- Lilly Dache

Fabulous Hat Friday!

Myrna Loy - Fabulous Hat Friday

I wanted to add another regular (well hopefully everything will be more regular that it has been over the last year) post to the blog. Of course it hat to be stunning vintage hats. Myrna Loy wears the most fantastic hats (and costumes) in ‘The Thin Man” series. I could spend a year just posting her in hats she wore. This is part of my hatspiration. So if you see a fabulous hat link me below and it might end up on here or even inspiring me to attempt to reproduce it! I would also be happy to have you guys put on your best vintage hat on Fridays and link below. I will try to post one of me wearing one of my vintage hats occasionally too.

Happy Hatting (though technically it should be happy millinering ….”hatters” make male hats, milliners make female hats).

Miss Fairchild xoxo

Welcome to 2015

Today is the first day of 2015. I had to believe that once the clock struck 2015 would be magically better. It wasn’t a terrible interesting night. Though I did go through a cleansing ritual before it went to midnight. A pretty basic one. You get in the shower and clean yourselves from head to toe. Once you are completely clean you get into your already prepared bath which you enter before midnight. You tell yourself that all of those things that were horrible in the past and when you get out of the bath, after midnight you should feel cleansed of last years crap. It was a nice thought…but of course I was busy trying to set up a new running playlist on my ipod so I was 2 minutes late getting into my bath. Then of course I had a panic attack that I had already ruined 2015 and sat crying and being sedated til the sun came up.

miss fairchild

 

 

No sleep. Crazy loud fireworks and a 5km walk (after a year of almost no exercise) in the heat

Here’s to a more glamorous me in 2015

I did, however, manage to go for a 5km walk around my new area which gave me a good idea of where I can run. The not knowing the neighborhood is what was holding me back. But with no pressure (including not having any set goal beside try getting out of bed and not be terrified) I managed a nice brisk 5km walk. Go me!

So what do I have planned for 2015 for the blog?

I will be jumping back into Elanore Kings “Glorify Yourself” Year long correspondence course. I am not sure what year this is from. Based on movie star names dropped, illustrations and photos I would probably put it in the 40s or early 50’s.

I will be starting properly on Monday so on Monday the 18th should be my first week in review of how it is coming. Each lesson will be a fortnight apart. If you want to see the main points from the introduction THE LINK IS HERE and Lesson One THE LINK IS HERE

I am also going to be bringing back Sunday best. I am interested in getting some guest posts happening in response to one of my most popular posts HOW VINTAGE CHANGED ME. Possibly a monthly Q&A/Ask Sabrina. I also hope to finish my travel etiquette series and to add more setting patterns to the blog. Including how to change a setting pattern from pin curls to rollers or vice versa. Pin curls aren’t for everyone and being able to adapt these patterns can make your life a million times easier (and possibly more comfortable to sleep on!

My hope for the year personally will be to hopefully get a better hold on management of my phsyical and mental illnesses. Not sure how we will afford it, but I need to be healthier and saner – even if this year is kind. Which will hopefully allow me to have more of a social life and see friends more often. I also hope to do well with my very first costume job for the local theatre company (set in 1934 Australia – YAY) and complete my millinery degree (final year starts in 6 weeks). I am thinking about pushing my launch back another year…but HATS. So that is to be decided at some point this year. Big year. But honestly, I will be happy to survive it with no major bus crashes, surgeries or homelessness.

So lovelies, what are you plans, hopes & dreams for the new year?

Miss Fairchild xoxo