Reinvention

Some of the most fabulous women out there are the ones that constant reinvent themselves. I have always admired women who have said “nope…this isn’t me anymore.” Then actually did something about it. That was the purpose of this blog reinvention into a more glamorous and elegant version of myself. But mainly I just liked to make snarky comments about the stuff contained in all my charm school “text books”.

My favourite reinvention story is that of Miss Sabrina Fairchild. A “plain” (dress her down as much as you want…Audrey Hepburn was a one of a kind. Nothing plain about her) chauffeurs daughter madly in love with a member of the wealthy family her father works for. She gets shipped off to Paris to attend culinary school and comes back a sophisticated and charming young woman. Not only determined to win her man, but also confident in herself.

The last 5 years have seen a lot of changes happen in my life. I was once a busy wife and mother and business woman and board member and charity president who was always running around doing something. Then I had a nervous breakdown, lost all of my friends, we started homeschooling our daughters, made new friends, started millinery, separated from my husband (though we still live and raise our beautiful, intelligent, emotionally magnificent daughters together – we are still puzzling how we ended up with such happy and well adjusted children when we are such fuck ups!) and came out. I tried dating (girls have soft lips!). I let go of some of my vintage purist ideals for things I actually wanted to wear. Then the biggest thing that happened was my brain broke. I started disassociating and ended up literally being part completely new blank slate person and party old me. It’s pretty weird.

This is reinvention.

I was stumbling for a bit. Trying to do things old me liked to see if it would jolt back into place. Some of it has…some not so much. Things are mostly settled now but it turns out I just couldn’t reattach myself to my name.

Now is my chance. My chance to completely reinvent myself from my name up. I asked my ex to start calling me random names anytime he spoke to me. I asked the internet. And eventually I asked my best friend. I really should have started there. She suggested two names. Both were on my list.

Catherine.

Catherine the Great. Catherine De Medici. Cate Blanchett. Katharine Hepburn. And Saint Catherine….the patron saint of Milliners.

The other, Elizabeth (some more fabulous Queens) and my beloved Nana’s name. My second daughters middle name.

Catherine Elizabeth. 

Of course I couldn’t actually give up my birth middle name. Anne. Sort of a family tradition. First born females on my fathers side have Anne as a middle name. My eldest daughters middle name is Anne. I couldn’t lose that connection.

Catherine Anne Elizabeth.

I am currently in Sydney with my best friend who named me. She had surgery yesterday and I am here to help out. Yesterday, even when overcome with drugs and pain, she called me Cate when she talked to me. I realised in that moment that I had a true friend. One that loved me entirely as I was…even when that person changed. I love her a lot. She gave me something very precious and I will carry it with me probably for the rest of my life.

Change is inevitable. Reinvention is beautiful. And now if I ever decide to change my last name I have something that goes with “Fairchild”!

Miss Sabrina Fairchild xoxo

(but you can call me Catherine)

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Falling Down & Get Back Up: Ending, Outing & Beginning

I am sure it comes as no great surprise that as soon as I posted about my goal to work through “Glorify Yourself” and the play I was working on and getting fit – I hit a wall.

First I am going through a PTSD episode and am finding everything triggering. It seems every show I watch and every time I read something online or hit twitter there is yet another rape story. I was sexually abused by my best friends brother when I was 5, My stepfather when I was 12 and finally I have spoken out about being raped. It’s been traumatic. I cry and take a lot of valium.

After stalling it for way to long my marriage is at it’s official end. It is slightly complicated by the fact that financially we can’t live apart, the fact that I need a carer and also that neither of us could bare to have the kids just half the time. So cohabitation is our only option for now. My play was also cancelled so my fledgling career as a costumer has been put on hold.

Also – Hi world! My name is Miss Fairchild and I am a big, fat Lesbian. I always have been…I just fell in love with a man. As that man is no longer in the picture and I thought about beginning dating I realised I had zero interest in men (Unless William Powell or Fred Astaire magically come back from the dead and aren’t zombies – then I will reevaluate). So I am out of my hetro life and am dating women. I am dating! Seriously though, I am too old for dating. I have met lovely, lovely ladies. But I just can’t see a future with another person at the moment. Plus dating makes me leave the house. It’s awkward enough dating when I live with my ex…asking them to come to my place where I will likely be hiding in my bedroom crying is not really going to turn many people on.

I am starting my life over. Beginning again. Can you begin again when you are in the middle? There isn’t a rewind button (and despite all the horribleness I am the person I am today because of that – so rewinding isn’t an option) on life.

I try whenever possible to think of my business mentor talking about “sunk costs” when making life decisions. It’s pretty much don’t throw good money after bad. If you have stuffed up – it’s too late to get that time/money/life back and sticking with it just because you have already invested so much doesn’t do anything but delay the inevitable. So just because I invested 15 years into a bad relationship doesn’t mean I should keep doing so in the desperate hope it gets better. I have done that before and all it did was eat up precious time. I would rather be alone, than with someone and lonely.

I have decided to push Miss Fairchild Millinery back a year…possibly two. Let’s see how I feel after final year!

I am beginning again. Like I always seem to do. I fall down and get back up again. It seems I just don’t know how to lay down and admit defeat.

I have started my final year in Millinery. I booked my first trip overseas (Paris here I come!) for October. I saw a new psychiatrist (it went very badly….but I will find another one eventually). I confronted my dr about some things rather than avoiding him forever and getting a new dr. I have an online dating profile. I have had sex again (was kissing always good? Or was I just not doing it right….or at all). I am trying to reconnect with my friends after last years hibernation.

Life is a bit of a rollercoaster. But at least I will get a crazy picture of me screaming at the end of it…

Miss Fairchild xoxo

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Fabulous Hat Friday!

Fabulous Hat Friday fell on my 33rd birthday. As I was busy being in excruciating pain (the birthday curse is alive and well) and sleeping all day this post is a bit late. I also thought that this Fabulous Hat Friday should feature Moi and my collection of chapeaux (I am trying to learn french…and I know the french word for hat…I also know putting an x on the end makes it hats….as for Moi…Miss Piggy says it so even if it isn’t french it’s still fabulous).

Miss Fairchild's Hats

Just a small sample of my hoard Collection

Happy Hatting!

Miss Fairchild xoxo

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Wise Words Wednesday….

Wise words have been moved to Wednesday just in case the post title doesn’t give it away.

Lilly Dache

“Glamour is what makes a man ask for your telephone number. But it also is what makes a woman ask for the name of your dressmaker.”

 – Lilly Dache

As I have just finished reading her biography “Talking through my hats” and having discovering my milliner soul mate I have to include this quote which gives me, as a milliner, goosebumps.

“You see, a woman’s hat is close to her heart, though she wears it on her head. It is her way of saying to the world: “See, this is what I am like!” Or – “This is how I should like to be.”

– Lilly Dache

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Fabulous Hat Friday!

Myrna Loy - Fabulous Hat Friday

I wanted to add another regular (well hopefully everything will be more regular that it has been over the last year) post to the blog. Of course it hat to be stunning vintage hats. Myrna Loy wears the most fantastic hats (and costumes) in ‘The Thin Man” series. I could spend a year just posting her in hats she wore. This is part of my hatspiration. So if you see a fabulous hat link me below and it might end up on here or even inspiring me to attempt to reproduce it! I would also be happy to have you guys put on your best vintage hat on Fridays and link below. I will try to post one of me wearing one of my vintage hats occasionally too.

Happy Hatting (though technically it should be happy millinering ….”hatters” make male hats, milliners make female hats).

Miss Fairchild xoxo

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